Love Lost

        The fundamental basis of our beings is rooted in love or the lack of it. Love is that thing every heart longs for and never wants to be deprived of.  In my life I’ve found love to be manifested through the basic relationships that life awards us. For me those are spiritual, familial, romantic, and friendly.  As a people, I find that our focus has been shifted to be consumed in every element of romantic love with friendship as a very close second. We are so absorbed with the gains and loses of these categories of love that we sometimes have a lack of appreciation for the love that has always been there, maintaining us every step of the way in every season of our lives. That familial and spiritual love. The focus today is familial love.

       It took me quite some time to realize how blessed I had been to gain such an incredible love at birth. I was born into two of the most loving families. Generations of close-knit, visible love. Cousins are just cousins. No one counts seconds or thirds. I love you’s, hugs, and kisses are always prevalent. Every life is celebrated. It has been my life expectation that this love would always be present. Those that were with me from the beginning would always be there. They were my for sure forevers. Of course I had seen and heard of the passing of great aunts and uncles. I had even attended their funerals. I had witnessed their love and been saddened by their passings. But, in those moments their age and sickness had always given my family members and myself immediate peace.

        That all changed for me this past mother’s day. I lost love. Love that had always been there. A present love that was supposed to, in my eyes, be here and available for so much longer. My Aunt Zeda had unexpectedly passed  and the world of everyone that knew her came crumbling down. I remember wondering why it was taking her so long to respond to my “Happy Mother’s Day” text. She was normally prompt.  The answer came a few hours later. I never knew that love could hurt so bad. That the loss of it could make you feel like someone had placed a ton of bricks on your chest and let it sit there but then decided that wasn’t enough, so they would add a ton more. Love lost is this crushing feeling that knocks the breath out of you. It’s the greatest heart wrenching feeling that will make you feel like someone has actually reached in and ripped a piece of your heart out. It consumes you and makes you remember all that person was to you. It confuses you and makes you ask God why and eventually it sobers you in appreciation and causes you to say “Thank you Lord for allowing me to have been loved by and have had the blessed opportunity to love such an incredible being.”

XO,

Courtney